Faith is believing in the unseen...

Sunday, November 21

What are you thinking about?
What's on your mind?
Dei! What's wrong with you la!

Nothing..Not sure... i don't know myself...
Dei! What IS YOUR problem la!!!

The truth...
everything..everything is on my mind. Everything disturbs me, and fascinates me all the same...I think about what I can do. I think about how I should do it. When. With who. Why. Why not. What else is there to do. And the process repeats itself. I find myself rotting away in my subconscious. Not knowing anymore what is happening around me... Not caring what is around me....
I think about my future, and then I think about my past, but when I start thinking about the present, nothing seems to make sense.. and yet, behind the senselessness of reality, there is this weird sense of simplicity that gives a soothing effect to my pathetic life..
To me, knowing what I want is simple. To decide how to get it is also simple... but my mind keeps on questioning everything... It tell me what I should do..but wouldn't allow me to do it! Keeps on reasoning my reasons. Finding fault with my justifications... and in the end, my simple objectives are all but a mist of confusion, and frustration....

Sunday, November 21, 2004

there is a storm in my head. im not sure where its coming from. it rages on and on and suddenly it stops. then it restarts and i feel like i might go insane. i dont know what its all about. its anger, but it has no source, or perhaps the source is me, and im angry at myself. for being silly @ st***id.

lately, my eyes seem to be hurting. this is probably from the contact lenses that i'm using.tons of things happened these few weeks. i'm so ashamed of myself. mortified by my own behaviour. amazed at my blind disregard for proper manners.

god im so self absorbed, i hate myself sometimes. *sigh*

I have been trying to formulate some clever opinions about a great many things, but somehow, I always end up stumped. I believe there are several possible reasons for this.

a. i have no opinions, therefore, i officially dont give a toss about anything and therefore am a seriously though unknowingly rebelious girl.

b. i have a hidden fear of speaking out disguised in the sugar coated colour of politeness, which makes me a two-faced fool, or

c. i'm going crazy. seriously, my brain doesnt seem to be functioning properly these days.-hmm, I guess the third option is the least degrading, so I'll go with that for now.

Sunday, November 21, 2004

Wednesday, November 17

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like to be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kickedWhen you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
When no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With the big fake smiles and stupid lies
But deep inside you're bleeding
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like to be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
When no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
No one ever lies straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy
But I'm not gonna be ok
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like
What it's like
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kickedWhen you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
When no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
When no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

.:.i seems to fall in love with this song...

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Its My Birthday!!!!!!! ....................................

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Thursday, November 11

Its been a long time since my last post..seems raya just around d corner..n I just got back from Penang....glad to be back at home again..lots of things happen in Penang..some peeps are making me dizzy and I don't know why I even care in d 1st place..but I had a great time though..in 2 days time we r going to end our fasting month...month full of patience...lots of things to be done at home..and I'm all by myself...my sisters only will be coming back during the eves of raya :(...missing them so badly...I dont know whats wrong with me..one of my best buddies said dat I've change..I am neglecting her I guess..I'm being so mean..I don't like her to feel that way..I don't want anything to happen between our relationship...I hope she forgive me for the things I've done...been trying to talk to u gal..i miss those moments that we used to spend together...really miss ya!!...can't wait to c u!!...I've been thinking about this thing for the past few days..I keep on asking myself...what makes me act this way??... but i couldnt find a proper answer for this question..one thing for sure..i need to do something with myself..i don't want things become worst..so get ready n be prepared..I really wish everything will be back to normal..

Thursday, November 11, 2004

Tuesday, November 9

Glad to be back....I'm exhausted!!!....

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

Monday, November 1